I've Grown Up
by OneWeirdMoNkEy
Summary: This is a one-shot Meiling fic so yeah... I'm not really good with summaries... So yeah just read it! rated PG13 because of swearing


Well hello people. I've decided to put off my other story called '1,000 Stars'. (It's 1000 Stars not just Stars damn it!!) Okay this is a Meiling fic and all of you who think that Meiling is just a stupid character then don't read this fic! The story is based on her opinion and the words are her thoughts. There is some S+M... Just to say alright?!! But they don't end up together. This story tells you about what Meiling's feelings about the whole Syaoran issue. So yeah... Enjoy the fic okay? Oh yeah and the story also shows you how Meiling gives up everything and she tries to find a new and happier life. Okay!!  
  
Title: I've Grown Up  
Author: OneWeirdMoNkEy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own CCS characters.  
  
I look in the mirror to find the usual things there. My nose, my mouth, my ears, my long raven hair, and my deep ruby eyes. Everything seem to function right and nothing seems to be missing, so I'm off to school again.  
  
Nothing missing... From my life. Yeah, that's such a lie. I keep telling other people, if you want to lie, at least make it sound conviencing. Now here I am, not even following my own words. What's wrong with me?  
  
Nothing. That's all I can say about it. Nothing is wrong with me. Nothing is missing. Everything is in place. Everything is what I wanted it to be. I mean just look at myself. I'm getting high marks at school. I'm president of the middle school. I have more than enough friends and every guy in school is drooling over me which I find disgusting and confusing at the same time. I mean what did I do to get their attention. And yet I hear the usual comments. 'Oh your so beautiful Meiling' or 'You are one of a kind Meiling' or 'I like you because...' blah blah blah blah.  
  
It's the same reasons over and over and over again. Guys.... I got one thing to say about them. Damn all guys. I don't want to have nothing to do with them. Nothing! Guys just bring pain and suffering at that's it! They make us girls weak at the knees or make them weak internally. Don't think that I'm just saying this. I'm creating my facts from the experience I had! I had to learn this valuable lesson the hard way. So until further notice, I, Li Meiling, say damn all guys... Every single one. I don't care who I'm talking about. I especially don't even care if I'm directing this to a single guy who's in Tomoeda, Japan doing who knows what with his new found girlfriend named Sakura Kinomoto!  
  
Okay you should float your mind to somewhere else now because that was your past life. Your past life, which included pain, weakness, and vulnerable state. You believed in love so much, yet you never really received it so why believe in anything that has to do with love if you've never experienced it?! I just hate people like that. That's why I hated the old me. But I gave everything up, moved to Hong Kong, my home, and start all over again. And everything is going great. Nothing is missing, nothing wrong.  
  
I enter the school gates to find people giving me high fives, saying hi to me, smiling at me, and my stalker stalking me again. I mean please, doesn't this Lang know that he'll never get me because I think all guys are stupid and that they have smaller brains then a raccoon?! Please, before I find myself pining you to the ground and punching your lights out, just stay away.   
  
"Hi Meiling."  
But much to my dismay... I'll never get want I want sometimes. "Hi Lang."  
"Um... I was wondering..." C'mon Lang just say it and let me be on my way okay? "Would you go out with me?"  
Again?? You ask that again? C'mon Lang will you ever get the hint. I don't like you, I don't like guys and for the 100 time, literally, I won't go out with you! "Sorry Lang but I'm not into guys yet... I still think they have cooties so as a warning... Go away."  
  
His face faulters. But I don't feel sorry for him anymore. I've seen that face to many times for it to weaken me. One obstucle done... tons more to go.  
  
"Nice way to bring him down Meiling..." I hear a faint clap near the tree. Under the big tree I see my best friend leaning on the trunk still laughing. Her black hair was down and her emerald eyes stared straight at me.  
"Oh shut up Milan."  
She smirked. She said she always loves my short temper. "Hey... calm down."  
"Lang just annoys me so much. I just want to smack him in the face."  
She smirked again. Seriously, I think she has a smirking problem. But she is my best friend and none the less, I love her smirks.  
"Your telling me. Before you came from Japan, he was all over me. Thank Buddha (hehe.... I was gonna put God but then I remembered they're not Catholic or Christian.) Sorry if I'm saying this in a bad way."  
"I know your not."  
  
~* First Class *~  
  
Front row and center. Great.... I just love the middle! NOT!! I don't really need to be watched on. I do my homework and I pay attention most of the time. I don't know why the teacher sat me up front in the center. That's where the trouble makers usually sit or they sit next to the teacher.  
  
I get out my hair brush and start brushing my hair. I always do my hair in 1st period. I'm twisting my hair into a bun when I see this new kid walk in. Hmm... Milan never told me about a new kid coming today. I mean Milan knows all and keeps up on the latest. Plus she tells me a lot of things like this. Wow... First time, I found out something before her.  
  
The guy is staring at me. I can feel it. Even though I'm not staring at him, I can feel it. Feeling. That feeling that I used to have everyday just came back. I quiver at this. This 'feeling' I can't describe. I don't want to know this feeling and better yet I don't want to have this feeling.  
  
Just a little peek wouldn't hurt would it? I mean everyone's staring at the new kid... I might as well too. So I turn my head to find him sitting right behind me. I was startled for a moment but when I stared into his amber eyes. Oh, his amber eyes. It brang such a warm and comforting feeling down my body. Could it be? That this boy is...?  
  
"Everyone I would like to introduce you to Li Xiao Lang." The teacher said. (Using Chinese form because they're in China)  
  
WHAT?!!! What's happening here? Your telling me that the boy sitting behind me is Li Xiao Lang? Or Mr. Li Syaoran? The boy that left me to go to Japan and ended up falling in love with someone else?! NO!! NOT HIM!  
  
"I'm sure all of you will treat him with respect." the teacher said again.  
"Yes... Mr. Chan." Everyone echoed.  
  
I turn little to get a peek at the new and hopefully improved Xiao Lang. Not much to look at... Same as always. Same messy brown hair. Same emotionless face. And to top it all off... Same amber eyes. I shake my head as if this were some bad dream. But it is!! It has to be... Why does this keep happening to me?  
  
Class has been in session for at least 45 minutes. Good just 5 minutes to go and I'll be out of this class and be away from him. He seems to be popular with the girls here. But he's not going to get to me. He won't get to me. He can't get to me. I won't let it happen. I just can't let it happen to me again.  
  
Suddenly I feel my hands gather up into a fist. I just feel like hitting him. Telling him to go away. Telling him to stay in Japan and never come back to Hong Kong again! But no... I never get the courage to do it... And people call me fearless. Now that's a lie.  
  
~^RING^~  
  
Good the bell rang. Now I can get out of here without SOMEONE noticing me. I've gotten pretty good at ditching people now. So I packed my things quickly and headed out the door very quickly to meet Milan at the lockers. But as soon as I took 5 steps out of the room a hand held me back by the shoulder. I pray and pray to let it be Lang for once... and not the guy that I think it is. But again... Nothing goes my way. So when I turned around I saw none other than Syaoran. He stared at me as I stared back at him. He seems to be scanning me. Like if I had any bruises, any cuts... You know like a brother would do.  
  
I look at him with a confused expression. "Can I help you?" Maybe if I act stupid then he'll stop bugging me.  
"Meiling... Don't act stupid..."  
Damn...... Well nothing ever gets past him. Not when I try to do something slick. "Hi Xiao-Lang"  
"Hi Meiling... Meiling, are you alright?"  
"Of course I am... Why wouldn't I be?"  
"Just asking... Are you happy here?"  
"What's that supposed to mean Xiao-Lang?"  
"Are you happy or are you not?"  
"Well what kind of question is that?"  
"It's a yes or no question..."  
"Xiao-Lang what are you doing here?"  
  
Again Syaoran stays there in silence. I'm sick of this. Why does he give me nonforward answers? What's wrong with you Syaoran?  
  
"Xiao-Lang, are you going to answer me or not?"  
  
I see that he's surprised with my forwardness. It was very... how should I say this... non-Meiling like. I smirk at his expression. What Syaoran? Are you finding the new Meiling a bit strange?  
  
"Xiao-Lang... I'm going now... I see that you are trying to waste my time and I DO NOT appreciate that."  
  
I turn around and leave him.  
  
"Meiling... wait."  
  
No Meiling... Be strong. Don't answer to his call. He's just like other guys... stupid and have brains smaller than a raccoon. Keep walking... Don't even look back.   
  
~*At Lunch*~  
  
"Meiling!! You know there's a new guy in school."  
"Yeah I know... And why should I care? It's a guy..."  
"Oh Meiling... But he's so cu..."  
I look at her as if she's some kind of phsycho. She stops and replays her words. "unique... Just like you... I was thinking you might like this guy for a change."  
  
Hold on here!! Milan? Telling me to like a guy for a change??? ME?! To like a guy?! Yeah right....  
"Me? Like a guy? Are you the Milan that I've told a thousand times that guys are plain stupid?"  
"Oh c'mon Meiling... Every girl has to like a guy at one point."  
  
Now that was true... I did like... Love a guy at one point. But he never did love me back. So is it wrong to not like any guy again for the sake of my happiness and pleasure. Guys bring pain and sorrow... But I did like a guy before. I just don't have to admit it to other people... It'll ruin my reputation of a man hater.  
  
"Well not me Milan. I hate guys to the core. Nothing and no one will change my mind about that." I must be strong and I must not let stupid emotions get to me!  
  
Soon I see Syaoran walking my way again. He lookes confident... Like he's going to tell me something. I stare at him... with my cold and firey (Is that possible?) ruby eyes. I know he was scared. I can see that, but he would never show it. That's one thing I used to like about him.  
  
"Meiling... We need to talk..."  
  
Milan looks at me as if I'm up to something. The truth is that I'm not up to anything! HONEST!  
  
"Are you going to waste more of my time Xiao-Lang or is this really something important?"  
  
Syaoran looks down as if he'd just been confronted. But this was only the start...  
"It's important... Please MeiMei..."  
  
MeiMei... My childhood name that he made up for me... Well one talk couldn't hurt.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
We walked to a deserted tree and sat down. Silence was over us at first but soon Syaoran started to say something.  
"Meiling... I..."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"What am I doing here?"  
"Yes... Did I not say it clearly enough for you?"  
"No it's just..."  
"Answer my question Xiao-Lang."  
"I'm here because I missed my home. I wanted to come home Meiling..."  
"Home? You call Hong Kong your home when you seem perfectly fine in Japan?"  
"Japan is a home for me too but Hong Kong is my number one home... and my birthplace."  
  
I didn't want to say anything because I had nothing else to say. I mean maybe it really wasn't the truth but how can I prove that when I have no evidence?  
  
"I've missed you Meiling."  
  
I look at him with an unbelievable expression. Syaoran actually missed me? Was this the right Syaoran I was talking to or was it the wrong girl he was talking about? I don't know which one it is but all I know, those last words was bullshit.  
  
"You missed me?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Xiao-Lang why?"  
"I don't know Meiling... It's just after you ran away... Life seemed empty without you."  
"EMPTY? What about Kinomoto?" How much I dispise her.  
"She was there... But Sakura couldn't fill the emptiness (SP?) that was in my heart. I needed someone else. And I figured at that it was you."  
"Me?! Did you just figure that out now?!! When I ran away? When I was gone?? You figured all of that out just like 2 weeks ago?"  
  
Okay... I can admit that I was flattered but still! I was gone for already 2 years and he figures out that he missed me since 2 weeks ago? I mean come on! It's like saying he didn't miss for the first year and a half. That's some stupid talk Xiao-Lang...  
  
"Meiling what's your problem?"  
"My problem?!! I want to know the real reason why you came here!"  
"I told you!! I MISSED YOU!"  
"I'm flattered that you missed me Xiao-Lang... But how come you didn't miss me from the start? How come you didn't come looking for me when I left? Did you really care?! DID YOU!"  
  
I can see that my words made a big impact on him. My words made him think.... hard. I could tell that he didn't know what to say because he didn't know the answer. This made me even more angry.  
  
"Did you come back to capture me as your slave? Did you come back to have a little over obsessed girl following your every word and waiting on your hand and foot?! Well for you information Mr. Xiao-Lang, I'm not like that anymore!! I don't need you!! I gave up everything to start a new and better life for me! My old life was hell for me! It was like holding onto my dear life for crying out loud. First you rejected me of a cardcaptor because I didn't have magic what so ever. Then you ignore me as if we never even met! And now you started prancing around with some other girl as if I wasn't you fiance!! What do you have to say about that now Xiao-Lang?"  
  
"Meiling!! I had no idea... I knew you were a strong girl... but..."  
  
"But WHAT?!! Xiao-Lang, I'm human you know! I can't be a strong girl forever. I know I have Li blood surging through my body and the Li Clan is known for their inner and outer strength but I can't be like that forever!"  
  
Now what Syaoran? Do you have anything else to say now that you know I'm not the strong girl you thought I was back that? Are you wondering what happened to the weak and obsessed Meiling I used to know? Well she's gone... Can't you understand that?! Soon another question popped into my mind that I've been wanting to ask him ever since I stepped onto the land of Japan.  
  
"Xiao-Lang... Did you know the true reason why I came to Japan in the first place?"  
Syaoran looked at me with the 'of course' expression. "You said you wanted to be in the cardcaptoring business. That we could be partners again and fight side by side again."  
  
I laugh.  
  
"What's so damn funny Meiling?!! That is the real reason right?!"  
  
"You actually believed me? You really believed that I would go to Japan to do cardcaptor business? Xiao-Lang that is not the real reason!"  
  
"WHAT?! Meiling... Why did you lie to me like that?!" He ran his fingers through his still messy brown hair. "MeiMei... What happened? What happened to the Meiling I used to know?"  
  
"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying Xiao-Lang?!!!!!!!! I hated the old Meiling that you used to know! She's gone Xiao-Lang!! And she's never coming back!"  
  
"What's the real reason MeiMei?"  
  
Soon a surge of pain came through my heart. My reason....... My real true reason... On why I came to Japan. Was I ready to tell the whole world? Was I ready to talk about it?   
  
"Well...."  
  
"Meiling... you're stalling... I have the right to know why you came to Japan in the first place!"  
  
Soon my pain swirled into pure anger. Was Syaoran just here to get a fight with me? If it's a fight he wants... then a fight he's gonna freakin get!!  
  
I started to yell at my cousin. "FINE! THE TRUTH! OKAY? MY PARENTS GOT KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT WHILE THEY WERE COMING HOME FROM A THEIR ANNIVERSIRY DINNER. YES, KILLED! MEANING THAT THEY HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP AND IS NEVER COMING BACK!! I WAS CRUSHED IN HONG KONG! I HAD NO ONE!! NO ONE TO COMFORT ME AT THIS TIME BECAUSE WE LIVED SO FAR FROM THE OTHERS! I WAS ALONE!   
  
Syaoran stared at me with pity in his eyes. He was surprised to see the strongest girl he ever knew (besides his mother) breakdown in front of him and cried. I couldn't help myself. I tried to be strong and with stand the tears but the pain hurt so much that I couldn't hold it back any longer. And I said I would be the strong one. But as another memory passed my mind, I giggled. I stared straight at his amber eyes while he looked at my tears.  
  
"hehe... And then..." I quickly wipe the tears away showing how happy I was so long ago. "I saw our picture Syaoran (A/N: I'm tired of calling him by his Chinese name!!) the one that we took before you left for Japan... We were standing next to each other and I was showing my engagement ring you had just given to me... Although you didn't look happy when you did but I didn't care... And that's when I got the idea. I'll go to Japan to be with you. I knew that you would've cared for me and loved me like my parents did but just in a different way. So I got on an airplane next day, flew to Japan... Only to find..."  
  
Gosh where are all these tears coming from!? Meiling... Be strong! Be tough! Don't let some stupid feelings get to you!  
  
"You... with another.... girl...."  
  
That's it I couldn't take it anymore! Again too much pain... I ran away from my pain... my worries... and my problem. I saw Milan coming with a worried look on her face but I ignored her and sprinted to the nearest girl's bathroom. Milan followed me in. I was leaning against the wall with my hands plastered in my face. I was ashamed of myself now. The oh so strong and confident Meiling was now a weak and afraid Meiling. I could never show anyone my face again. I slid down to the ground and started to cry. Crying... first time I've done it in years.  
  
Milan kneeled down next to me and hugged me as I cried on her shoulder.  
  
"Meiling... What happened? What did that guy do to you?"  
  
I sniffed as I looked into her emerald eyes. Right away that reminded me of Kinomoto. I hated them so I accidently slapped Milan's face, thinking it was Kinomoto.  
  
"What the hell was that for Meiling!?!"  
  
I tried to hold back the stiffles of laughs. "I'm sorry Milan... It's just that your green eyes just reminded me of someone..."  
"And let me guess... You hate that someone right?!"  
"I can never hide anything from you..."  
  
Milan smiled at me. "Hey... best friends think alike remember?"  
"Yeah..."  
  
Milan sat down next to me. "So... What happened?"  
I rubbed my eyes before I told her the short story. "Well you're always wondering why I hate guys right? I mean c'mon... You would have to think that at one point."  
"Yeah I did... Why did you hate them?"  
"The real reason is... because of him. You know the guy that wanted to talk to me... It was his fault."  
"Meiling... your blaming it on one guy. Are you sure it's just his fault?"  
"Yes... I'm not done. Okay... Well... I was engaged to him 2 years ago. I loved him so much... Until he went away to Japan to do some business. I was alone... and my parents just died so I decided to go to Japan to be with him. But I go there to see him falling in love with another girl."  
  
I stop for a few moments because my throat was dry. Milan looked at me with her sorry look. "I had no idea..."  
"There's more..."  
  
"I wouldn't give up though. I fought for his love. And I did that by doing everything for him. I wanted him to be mine and mine only. I loved him... But he never loved me because he secretly loved that someone else. He kept pushing me away as if I was some kind of crazy girl he didn't know. That's when it hit me. He didn't want me there. He wanted to stay away from me. I was so blind, so love struck, so stupid, and so weak to see it at first but I can't keep living in my world. I have to live in reality. So I packed my bags and headed back to Hong Kong to start a new and better life... And that's when I decided that I hated guys and I thought they were stupid. It was all because of one guy who never cared for me when I needed him at the most and he didn't even come looking for me. He just stayed with his other Love and just never gave a damn about me... Until now"  
  
"Oh Meiling... I'm so sorry..."  
"You don't have to be sorry Milan..."  
"But... Um.. Do you still love him?"  
  
I looked at her. Did I still love him? But I gave him up, to Kinomoto. But that doesn't mean that I stopped loving him. Did I still have the same feelings for him? Or was it all just a rush when we first met. I don't know... I'm confused.  
  
"That's the thing Milan... I told myself I will never ever ever let him get to me... and yet in the end.... He always does."  
"Do you want this feeling?"  
"Do I want this feeling?"  
"Yeah..."  
  
"No! I hate this feeling!! And I said if I ever have this feeling again it would be for another guy and not Syaoran! But look at me Milan! I'm going back on ever single word I uttered out of my mouth! Do you know how shameful that can be?!! It's like I lost my pride! I never wanted to love him again, Milan... He just brought so much problems in my life that I couldn't handle. I'm afraid.... If I open up my feelings to him... I might kill myself."  
  
"Meiling, don't talk such bull! Your just over reacting."  
  
"No I'm not Milan!! I was so close to killing myself before I came here." I remember the day so perfectly. It was raining and I was all by myself again. Syaoran was out with Kinomoto. I went inside the kitchen so I could start cooking our dinner. Then that's when I saw it. The instrument that can change my life forever. Just one flawless cut through my chest and that will end it... It would end all my problems and I will be in happy bliss for the rest of my life. I took the knife and I traced it's sharp edges and it's sharp point. I stared at it... ready to pludge it into my heart any second when Syaoran came in. He saw me with the knife. He grabbed the knife away from me and then slapped me, hoping it would make me come to my senses.  
  
He gave me a long lecture after that... is if he was my own dad. That's the same night I left for Hong Kong...  
  
Soon Milan held onto me tightly as if I was going to disappear any minute. Tears came out of her emerald eyes.  
  
"Meiling... Please... Don't do this to yourself. Don't even think about killing yourself because of a guy. Meiling!! Listen to me!!! Your my best friend and I don't want to lose my one and only best friend I ever had! Please... Don't do this to yourself."  
"Milan... I won't. I promise on my mom and dad's grave that I will never kill myself because of some stupid reason okay?"  
"You promise? On our friendship and your mom and dad's grave?"  
"Yes..."  
"Thank you Meiling..."  
  
~*At home*~  
  
What a long day... Syaoran shows up and on the same day I have all these problems... My theories are right... Guys do bring pain and sorrow in the end. Damn it... If it wasn't that way... If only it wasn't that way.  
  
I walk into my living room and my body just freezes. There on the couch was Syaoran again. I looked at him as he slowly turned around to look at me. He stood up and walked towards me. I shook my head with disbelief eyes. "Don't come any closer..."  
  
"Meiling... I want you to come back to Japan with me..."  
"Back?? As in your going back and not staying here?"  
"That's right... And I want you to come with me."  
"SYAORAN!! How can you ask me this now?! Just look what Japan has done to me! It made my inner strength cripple into a weak little girl and I am not like that! Syaoran... You can go back by yourself but I'm not coming."  
  
Syaoran looked at me with his amber eyes. He was in disbelief at first but then his expression turned confident. "Li Meiling!! You are coming to Japan with me right now!"  
  
He grabbed my wrist and started to drag me but I whipped my wrist back. "No Syaoran!! I am not going back to my old life! I like my new life here in Hong Kong! If you cared about me then you would care about my happiness and you would let me stay here!"  
  
"Meiling! I can't let you stay here! Hong Kong is dangerous. Don't you remember what happened here. I can keep a better eye on you in Japan Meiling. I'll take care of you!"  
  
"Take care of me?! Syaoran, who said I was your daughter!? I am my own person now! Sure I needed you in the beginning but now I've grown up and I don't need your help anymore! I've grown up Syaoran! I thought you knew that!! I don't need you to comfort me or look out for me anymore. I can take care of myself. I can make my own decisions. And besides... If I go to Japan with you I know that you'll be spending most of your time with Kinomoto. So why be lonely in some strange country when I can live independently here, and I still have friends here."  
  
Soon Syaoran collapsed to his knees. "Meiling... Please come with me." He took my hands and squeezed them very tight. He looked up at my face with pleading eyes. My expression weakened as I watched him fall apart in front of me. I collapsed to my knees also and looked at him. I looked down so I would face him.  
  
"Syaoran... I just can't. Just trust me, I can't."  
  
He placed his hand under my chin to make me look at him. Tears were forming in his eyes. "Are you sure MeiMei?"  
  
I nodded. But I wanted to go. I wanted to go so much. But I had to keep my promise to Milan. 'Promise me that you won't kill yourself because of some guy.' I knew if I went with him... I would have a short stay in Japan.   
  
I let go of his hands to pull out something out of my shirt. I showed him our engagement ring that hung around my neck with a gold chain. I unhooked the chain and I placed the ring and chain in his hand. I made him clutch the ring.  
  
"Keep it. I won't be needing this anymore. And for what it's worth... I will miss you."  
  
Syaoran looked at me as if I just made the wrong decision. But I wasn't. I made up my mind and I won't change it. I'm sorry Syaoran but you must respect my feelings and decisions. You would... if you really cared for me.  
  
Syaoran took his hand and placed it on my cheek. "I'll miss you too MeiMei. I'll keep in touch with you..."  
  
I smiled. "I would like that."  
  
Soon I could see his face closing in on mine and his eye lids were getting heavy. I didn't know what to do. Was Syaoran going to.... Kiss me?  
  
I backed up so he wouldn't be able to be he just kept coming forward until he felt my lips on his. It was only about 5 seconds until he backed away. But those 5 seconds... I felt his love for me for the first time, the love I wanted from him. Too bad it only lasted for 5 seconds. He hugged me and I hugged him back.  
  
"I love you Meiling..." I was stunned at what he said but his voice made me think that he meant it family ways. I smiled.  
  
"I love you too Syaoran..."  
  
He let go of me and started walking out the door. I watched him as he stepped out into the lawn and turned the corner. My knees felt so weak that I fell to the ground. From that moment on I knew that I would never forget the day... When I straighten things out with Syaoran... and when we shared our first kiss together.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ehehehehehe.... So what did you think? And I need your opinion. Should I start this into a new series or should I just leave it as a one-shot Meiling fic? Thank you for reading my fic and now you must REVIEW!! Yes you must! Please make your reviews thoughtful. This is my first Meiling fic and I would like to know how it turned out! Okay Thanks!! BYE!! 


End file.
